Today's suggested topics: Did you know April 8th is National Draw a Picture of a Bird Day?! Now you do! Teach something additionally about birds in this episode!, Inspector Gadget and the soon to be released iPad 9.
Qorviq pulled over to wait for the sirens coming up quickly behind him to catch up and surely arrest him. He had never gone to jail before... well... not FOR REAL jail. He was taken in once for fingerprints and a scare after a house party bust in High School, but was ultimately let go with a warning. He felt that to have made it this far in life without a criminal record, especially considering his apparent "new line of work", was kind of a miracle. The sirens got louder and louder as Qorviq watched them get closer and closer in his rearview mirror. He reached into the glovebox of the stolen Nissan Cube to check for registration, just in case. That's when he saw the authorities speed past him, and head directly towards the large concrete structure of which he was SUPPOSED to have suicide bombed.
Did they just not see me? Hello?! I'm right here!!! Help?!?!
At this point Qorviq almost WANTED the authorities to take him in. He was lost, confused and exhausted. To not know how he got here or what could possibly happen next had become his everyday life now, he just kind of wanted, like, a vacation or something. He leaned his seal head back onto the seat and closed his eyes for a brief moment when he heard the car speak to him again. He opened his eyes to see the Samsung screen slowly pop back up. This time as the words scrolled there was no weird punctuation. This was for real.
You have passed the first test. The authorities will be investigating the bomb threat we've called in on your behalf, when they fail to find anything, you will be a felon for calling in a bogus threat. You have a tracking device implanted into your left flipper. You have 24 hours to get to the San Diego Zoo which happens to have one of the most comprehensive bird collections in the world (almost 400 species and subspecies and over 3,500 individual birds), where you will meet your new partner and receive your next assignment. In 36 hours this vehicle will self destruct. Look in the black duffel bag in the back seat for supplies you will need. Sorry. Thank you.
(This drawing of a bird is in honor of April 8th being National Draw a Picture of a Bird Day -- courtesy of http://www.nataliedee.com/)
The Samsung screen slowly closed and retracted back into the center console. Qorviq was beside himself yet again with confusion and grief.
Inspector Gadget. I am literally like a real life Inspector Gadget... I just want to go back to the Arctic Circle and go home. This is brutal. I am tired. I don' really give two shits about National Secur...
The screen popped back out.
Complaining will not help you. You now only have 19 hours to get to San Diego.
(click on this picture for like 2-3 hours of fun.)
Qorviq reached behind him and felt the black duffel bag sitting on the back seat, just as the car had said. He pulled it up to the front seat to take a closer look inside. He unzipped it, and sitting right on top was a new iPad.
He pulled the box out and saw that it was an iPad 9.
Holy fucking shit!!!!! But the iPad 2 JUST came out!!!!!!! No WAY!!!!!!!!! A 9?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
He ripped into the box and pulled out the new iPad 9, he saw it was the iPad WiFi + 3G, except it was the 12G because it was the iPad 9. He immediately jumped on ESPN to check his brackets then CNN to see what was going on in the world. After reading 37 articles about the crisis in Japan he Google mapped a route to San Diego. This was gonna be a long drive...
Is it just me or is this Japanese nuclear fallout scare disaster, and no one really knowing what to do about it/changing the actual radiation threat on an hourly basis oddly similar to last year's BP oil spill circus?
WHOA!!!!!!! WILL QORVIQ MAKE IT TO SAN DIEGO IN TIME????? IS IT MAYBE A LITTLE TOO SOON AND FAIRLY INAPPROPRIATE OF HIM TO BE DRAWING PARALLELS BETWEEN THE JAPANESE TRAGEDY AND LAST YEARS BP OIL SPILL? DOES THAT EVEN REALLY MAKE MUCH SENSE? DOES THAT EVEN MATTER? STAY TUNED FOR QORVIQ'S WEST COAST ASSIGNMENT AND ALSO HAVE FUN PLAYING WITH THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER SOUNDBOARD, BECAUSE FOR REAL, THAT WILL NEVER NOT BE HILARIOUS.
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