Today's suggested topics: Grand Theft Auto, needing a piece of gum and super "top secret" underground terrorist plots.
Qorviq opened his basically swollen-shut seal eyes, his head still reeling from the 2x4 bash to the face earlier. He sat up and looked around. He appeared to be on some kind of ferry or water taxi of some kind.
He was surrounded by parked cars, he could hear all the other passengers shuffling above him. Qorviq quickly made his way through the cars, checking the ignitions for keys. He knew if he was going to make a run for it, his best bet would be to carjack a car at the front of the boat. As he made his way towards the stern, or helm, or whatever, he saw a New 2011 Nissan Cube.
What a stupid-looking car.
He hopped up into the driver's seat and turned on the car to check out the stereo. That's when he heard a tap on his window glass. It was some kind of water taxi cop.
Sir, I am gonna have to ask you to please turn your vehicle off. There is the issue of
fumes, not to mention the danger you are posing to the other vehicles. We are literally less
than 100 feet from shore, we haven't even dismissed the upstairs passengers yet, how did you
get down here...
Qorviq pointed a flipper to his ear-hole to signify that he couldn't hear a word the officer
What!? What are you saying!? Look, I had to charge my phone. I needed a piece of gum!
Out of his peripherals he saw the boat slowly dock and the draw-gate in front of him slowly
lower. He threw The Cube in drive and floored it up and out of the ferry, narrowly missing the bewildered cop.
After plowing through a crowd of elderly tourists and knocking over a cotton candy stand, he found his way to what appeared to be the main street of the town he was now in.
God, this thing handles pretty well dispute looking like a decorative Kleenex box.
Suddenly, he noticed a blinking red light on the dash. Then two metal arm clamps quickly snapped Qorviq's arms to the seat, as the car suddenly picked up speed and began driving itself through traffic. Also, although he could have just been being paranoid, it suddenly seemed that the interior of the car was suddenly getting hazy, and he started feeling a little sleepy.
Suddenly, out of the center console a flat-screen Samsung television popped up with scrolling written instructions. The words were scrolling quickly, luckily Qorviq had been training for years as a speed reader... The only issue was that with the given punctuation, what he was reading was either of dire importance, putting not only his own but many many others' lives at risk... Or it was the most ridiculous and sarcastic thing ever written. However as the words scrolled, and just as quickly as he read them, their meaning suddenly vanished from his thoughts.
I'm getting a really strange feeling about this...
As the car continued to pick up speed, weaving in and out of traffic, he saw an extremely large concrete building slowly appear on the horizon.
The car suddenly began to speak to him:
Qorviq. The large building you see in front of you is your final desitation. You must go to parking ramp 7, and leave this vehicle on level 3 in spot #2. what you are doing will benefit us all for generations to come...
Slowly the radio turned on, it appeared to be a medley of his favorite hits. All new songs, but it was like they were written just for him! He realized he may be in a bit of a sticky situation, but nothing at the moment really seemed TOO strange given the past couple of months. And he was kind of stressed and lonely. He had lost contact with most friends and family, it was just nice someone was talking to him, even if it was just a car. As he leaned back in his seat, letting the car take him to the parking ramp, he enjoyed the songs, and let himself completely relax thanks to the help of the haze continuing to fill the car.
Suddenly he realized what was going on...
Holy fucking shit right now... How did the car know my name!?!? Am I literally being a suicide bomber!?!?
Qorviq quickly slid his flippers out of their constraints, unrolled all the wondows, grabbed the wheel to jerk it back to manual drive, and changed the radio station. He heard a loud *THUD* behind him. He glanced in his rearview mirror and saw that a small black box had fallen out from underneath The Cube. Luckily no one was on the road behind him when it blew up. He accelerated away from the small fireball, as the explosion dissipated into a cloud of smoke. Definately a minor explosion, but it would have done some major damage if it had gone off in an enclosed parking structure.
That's when he heard the sirens. No way they would believe his ordeal about the radio and the haze and the now exploded little black box. He would definitely be going to jail for grand theft auto.
OMG THIS IS NUTS!!!!!! THANK GOODNESS QORVIQ HAD THE WHEREWITHALL TO REALIZE WHAT WAS GOING ON AND WAS ABLE TO STOP A POINTLESS TERRORIST ATTACK ON WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT!!!!!! IT WILL SUCK FOR SURE GOING TO JAIL FOR GRAND THEFT AUTO HOWEVER WILL HE HAVE TIME TO AT LEAST TRADE THE CUBE FOR A DIFFERRENT, COOLER STOLEN CAR SO THAT HE HAS SOME MORE STREET CRED IN JAIL????? WILL THE COPS FINALLY CATCH HIM ONLY TO TELL HIM HE HAS A TAIL LIGHT OUT AND THEN WISH HIM A NICE DAY WITH JUST A WARNING?????? WHO EVEN KNOWS!!!!!!!!