Let me spell it out for you...

Qorviq the Nondenominational Winter Solstice Celebration Seal is the star of the world's first, online, interactive soap opera based on a lawn ornament inspired seal character. 

Interactive? Yes, interactive.

What does that mean? I'm glad you asked.

Fans are challenged to submit topics which will be woven into the story line.

No topic is off limits.

Bring. It. On.

A board of highly educated and prestigious professionals will be choosing the most creative suggestions from all of the submissions to be woven into the story line. If your suggestion is chosen, we will contact you, and let you know what episode your topic suggestions will be appearing in and when.

The BEST part?

We will be publishing a series of books, giving back to those who's creative submissions were chosen, by not only giving them credit in the book, but by giving each contributor 1% of profits from sales of their book during the first month it is for sale. CHECK THE PUBLISHING SCHEDULE HERE. Checks will be issued at the end of the year (December 1st) as a Nondenominational Winter Solstice gift.

You're welcome.

Thanks for participating.

Now go tell your friends. If no one reads or buys this garbage, you don't make any money.
 
THE RULES
 
1. All submissions are to be sent to qorviq@gmail.com.

2. In the Subject Line please put "Submission".

3. In the body of the email simply list three topics and state your name, where you are from, and your email address.

EXAMPLE:
1. A squirrel
2. A Can of Coors Light
3. A Hockey Puck shaped like Jesus' Face

Jeff Smith in Sparks, NV, mailto:bigdaddyjeffrocksyourfaceoff@aol.com

(we have A LOT of submissions to choose from, so please, keep it simple, and in the above format)

#4. If your submission is chosen, you will be notified, and told which episode you will appear in and when.

#5. Books will be printed, published and available for sale after every 10 episodes. Our head writer has committed to writing five episodes a month, so every two months we will release a new book (CLICK HERE FOR THE PUBLISHING SCHEDULE - which is also pictured in the chart below). Remember... the more people you tell, the more books we will sell, and the more you will make.  Each of the 10 contributors will earn 1% of profits during the first month it is published. 

#6. Checks will be mailed out December 1st every year along with a report on how well your book did during the first month of its publication.

In November we will contact all fifty who's submissions were chosen to get updated contact information. If any of those people have dropped off the face of the earth, we will donate their portion to The Salvation Army.

Checks will be mailed December 1st,

Just in time for a Nondenominational Winter Solstice Spending Spree.

This is so fucking stupid.  Go outside and play.