Friday, December 31, 2010

No More Chapters and/or Volumes, That Got Pretty Complicated, Luckily No One Cared, Maybe Try Again This New Year With Some Focus and/or Some Kind of General Plan or Just See What Happens NEW YEARS EVE SPECIAL 2010!!!!!!!!!!!

Suggested topics: Fireworks, a Red Envelope and Florence + The Machine Lungs needs to be awarded album of the year

Qorviq was jolted out of a dead sleep by the sound of fireworks. They were nearby and from the sound of things it appeared to be the end of sone kind of show, you know when the pyrotechnician gives up at the end and is just like "oh fuck it just light the rest of whatever's left I'm pretty sure this is the last Shania Twain song". He looked around the room as his beady seal eyes adjusted to the dark. As things came into focus he saw that he was in a small bedroom. He lay under a heavy wool blanket on a twin matress on the floor, his left flipper handcuffed to a tall lamp next to him.

How did I get here?

He knew he must have been out for an extended period of time this time. He had really no recollection of the past year or so. Vague images of his Mexican immigrant roommate popped up into his head. He remembered the houseboat fire. He remembered the penguin. He remembered his stolen El Camino. Everything was still very foggy, he just was not at all clear on much. He reached over with his left flipper to turn on the lamp and saw it had no light bulb.
Of course.

He slipped his right flipper out of the hand cuff because unlike humans who have hands at the end of their arms in most cases, seal flippers taper making handcuffs a pretty idiotic choice for holding one captive.

He got up and hoisted himself up to look out the window. The last of the fireworks exploded in the sky and he saw people everywhere. Confetti and streamers filled the air.

What the fuck?

Suddenly there was a knock at the bedroom door.

"Uh... Come in?"

A young Chinese couple entered the room, each holding a candle.

"Oh hey, um... thanks for letting me crash here... I have to apologize though, I mean I don't remember..."

The young Chinese woman put her finger up to her lips.

"Shhhhhhhh little puppy."

"Yeah, um, I'm actually a seal, I..."

The Chinese man reached put a closed fist to Qorviq turned it over and opened his hand to reveal a small red envelope.

"This is for you."

Qorviq looked at the man's handin quiet skepticism for a moment.

Who even knows what the hell is in that envelope. I mean what is that? What else could really happen at this point though, right?

The young Chinese woman reached out her hand and took Qorviq's flipper.

"It is OK little one. It is almost the new year. This is a gift. A very important gift that you must take."

"Um, OK, sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, I just, I'm just not really clear on where I am or who you guys are."

The young Chinese man took Qorviq's other flipper and placed the small red enveloope into his seal palm.
Nothing happened. He didn't collapse or lose vision or burst into flames. He was still just standing in a strange room, holding a small red envelope in front of a young, random Chinese couple who thankfully spoke perfect English.

"Thank you guys..."

The young Chinese woman lightly squeezed his other flipper.

"Open it" she said.

"Oh, OK, like it is a present? I'm sorry I didn't get you guys anything, I mean I just..."

He opened the envelope and found eight American dollars and a small piece of hard candy.

"Thank you, this is so nice of you. I mean I could really use a sandwich right now, and eight dollars is..."

"This will be your year Qorviq" the young Chinese woman said.

"Thank you. You know what? That really means a lot, I mean I've really been through a lot and seen some really weird and terrible shit this year. I really appreciate it. You know what though, I actually didn't catch either of your names though..."

Suddenly Qorviq saw the wall behind the Chinese couple light up brighter and brighter. He spun around just in time to see a gigantic fireball heading straight for his bedroom window, and the three of them.
Oh fuck...

OMG!!!!!! How can this be happening!? I'm sure it will be fine. Stay tuned!!

Qorviq's song pick to end the year had the year not ended with a giant fireball headed straight for his bulbous seal head but maybe instead he and the nice young Chinese couple had just gone into the kitchen and had a cup of tea and a nice conversation is Florence + The Machine's Dog Days are Over off their critically-acclaimed album Lungs.

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